Coping with break ups
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I don’t know which hurts more, mourning the loss of a loved one and accompanying trauma of coping with breakups. Coping with heartbreak is like fighting a war wherein the battlefield is the mind.
The accompanying pain of watching the partner you used to adore, cherish, love and share beautiful memories with; can be excruciating and weakening.
During this period, most people react to it differently. Some people easily understand the fact that the relationship they once savored is irretrievably lost, and there’s no need to cry over spilled milk, so they move on and somehow find happiness by letting the pain run its course. On the other hand, some people can’t help but surrender to depression, wallow in regrets and become preoccupied with resentful thoughts.
Regardless of the manner of break up – peaceful, plausible, mutual or one-sided; breaking up is one hell of a thing to deal with.
Look on the bright side of things; how can you go through this daunting process unscathed? How can you continue putting in 100% of your focus and nous to your job or career without drowning in the pool of post break up trauma?
COPING WITH BREAKUPS
Click here to read strategies on finding the right partner.
I used to think that coping with breakups comes with experience and age but it was dead wrong, it doesn’t. Rather, mastering the art of remaining of remaining unfazed and unperturbed is a contingent, try the following methods:
1. Embrace the pain: The first step of coping with breakups is by welcoming the incoming pain with open arms and firmly believing that you will get healed through this.
2. Never blame yourself: Don’t say to yourself; I should have been a better partner, I should have gone out of my way to do this or that, or maybe I wasn’t good enough. Block all the entry channels of your mind from these type of thought because it will weaken you for a long time, shatter your self-esteem and sap you dry.
3. It is okay to distance yourself: Just as the saying goes “out of sight, out of mind.” It is indeed needful to keep a reasonable distance from anything thing refreshes the memory you are trying to discard. Photos, IMs, presents and reminiscing about the good old times.
This will only make the process of coping with a break up inoperable.
4. Don’t Rush into a new Relationship: The need to fill the unfamiliar void in your heart is a trap that needs to be suppressed. It might be tempting to hook up to move on, but the truth is; such a relationship will be built on a rocky and shaky surface and likely to end in a fiasco.
Whatever you do, don’t be like the monkey that leaves a branch only to cling onto a new one next minute.
5. Love yourself more: Coping with a break up becomes easier when you are doing the things that bring you happiness, pleasure and boosts your self-worth. You can spend more time doing the activities you love like: swimming, dancing, yoga, exercise, singing, traveling or photography. Spending an hour or two daily on any of these activities would be a step in the right direction.
The idea behind this method of coping with breakups is not to distract you from dwelling on the images of the past relationship but to foster self-love.
6. Spend time with friends: Friends have the knack of shaking you out of mood swings and despondency. Hang out more, see a Denzel Washington movie or go to a comedy club with your posse.
Talk to your friends about your situation because “you never heal what you don’t reveal.”
The objective of this move is to try to deduce a measure of happiness from these moments.
8. Learn from the severed relationship: There is no need to harbor hard feelings and create room for spite and animosity, instead search for useful lessons you could learn to equip you for the future better. Forgive your ex-partner for walking away and consider the break up an experience you needed to have for the better version of you to unfold.
9. Reset your brain: Figuratively speaking, you need to reboot your nervous system. This is not a no-brainer technique; it requires mastery of one’s mind and soul. The people you see, the activities you do and the places you go to on a daily basis, becomes hardwired to your brain.
To force your brain to adapt to the new change in relationship status – you need to restructure your daily routine.
Conclusion: Coping with a breakups is quite daunting, but with grit and doggedness, it happens naturally.