It occurs every now and then when I really listen to couples counselings.What what they do often say, whether directly or indirectly. Is directed to him. ‘She just wants to be heard.’
The simple truth is we all desire to be heard, and when we can’t do the hearing we indirectly want to be heard. And it’s especially then when we’re not heard – when our voice is trapped in certain weird wilderness of bewilderment. When the self is buried dead in the partnership that exists like two ships passing in the night.
She just wants to be heard. It ought to be the simplest thing of all things to do for the husband – to put off himself and clothe himself in the wife’s needs; to be validated for what she so authentically experiences. Really, it’s true. Exactly why is she constantly undermined for feeling what she does (or he, for that matter)?
It costs you nothing but the energy of curiosity, which is usually to be interested enough to find to know the cries their own wife sheds in her spirit, writhing silently from within her soul.
If you can hear her, which can be to void yourself of yourself only enough to be your wife, you stands to have her like you’ve never experienced her. Alive in compassion, alert to kindness, elevated in gentleness, and cosy of soul, you doe what must seem effortless to an onlooker. It doesn’t take much higher than a decisive sacrifice. To think relatively nothing of it.
If perhaps you can hear her. Harder things have now been done. Easier things than this have hardly been known.
Though you struggle to put yourself off to be curious enough to be interested sufficiently to understand her.
She just desires to be heard. She needs his heart to improve, yet there’s no sense in forcing something which will only be forced shut.
Your heart must change. You mustn’t harden his heart. Still, a hardening takes place when she insists. She must stop insisting and instead insist upon entreating the Lord in prayer. It’s her only hope.
A miracle is needed. That’s just what a changed heart is – nobody but God could have procured it. So pray to God, and live each minute praying in hope, residing in expectation, without getting disappointed, that it might well happen. There’s nothing to get rid of and all to gain. Besides, with pressure gone, the impossible is possible again.
If heart has hard until now, you absolutely need to be broken, shattered upon the streets paved in the name of reconstruction. But don’t assume all heart softens in brokenness every time, although it ought to.
She just desires to be heard. She needs it. She won’t be reached otherwise. All else is just a sheer waste of time until she’s heard. Her heart remains impenetrably closed until it’s massaged open with the salve of consideration.
In case a man is to transcend himself and become what only God knows he may become, he’ll attempt so what can only be achieved in and through God. And then he will realize why she desires to be heard, and when he understands this, he will undoubtedly be compelled to make sure she is heard.
He must understand why she desires to be heard. He need only check their own heart’s honest wants to know her need is valid.